On the first day of the year, every single year, social media becomes littered with “new year, new me” posts.
Resolutions to lose weight, exercise, quit smoking or drinking, go to the gym, stop procrastinating, etc. If you can think of it, someone out there is promising not to do it anymore this year.
Now that we have reached the half way point, I decided to reevaluate my resolutions and start over. Far more original than New Years.
For me, I have a different kind of resolutions list.
As a stay at home mom to two toddlers, wife to an incredibly busy man, COO of our household – my life has a lot of ways to be improved but it certainly has nothing to do with how much coffee or wine I drink each day.
My list focuses on my daily life and not a long term goal I hope to achieve by the end of the year, maybe, if I can make it (with my sanity enacted) to see 2019 arrive.
- Drink the coffee/wine. If this very large iced coffee or stemless glass of sweet sparkling wine is one of the things I look forward to each day – why would I deprive myself of that? Unless my resolution is to maintain a very low caffeine/alcohol level – I don’t know why I would cut out something I drink (in moderation) if it isn’t directly harming my overall health. I will be continuing to drink both of these, when I want, guilt free.
- Play with my kids. I read so many articles with moms confessing that they HATE to play with their kids, like really hate. For me, there are certain types of play that I am not a fan of like pretend play. I will look passed that to see my son light up when I let him “take me to jail”. Then he marches over in his police hat + shirt, fumbles to put his plastic handcuffs on me, and leads me to the corner of the living room hidden behind by the couch. There is a simple lesson to be learned here, your kids don’t care how you play – just play and I will do just that.
- Quit resenting my husband. You name it and I probably have resented my husband for it. He gets to drive alone everyday, to and from work, listening to the loudest music he wants while I listen to my son cry because he swears my daughter called him Cinderella and judging by the words he is struggling to get out between whines – he is NOT Cinderella. The part to take note of here is that my daughter is 2 years old and cannot even say Cinderella. Instead of resenting my husband, I will see the other side of things. While he is enjoying his quiet (or maybe very loud, rap lyric filled) ride to his next location, I am often able to just sit down in the quiet of our household while the kids are off at preschool. He doesn’t get to do that. There are silver linings to both sides of life.
- Accept that sometimes dinner will be mac + cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, etc. I have spent so much of my time meal planning, grocery shopping, fighting with my daughter who insists on pushing me away from the counter when she’s hungry at 5pm, cooking a full homemade meal – just to have my children push the plate away after two bites. It isn’t always unhealthy, but there are times when my kids request breakfast for dinner and I personally cannot survive on french toast and bananas solely but I also don’t always want to make a full homemade meal for just me. I am going to work on prepping meals for myself so that I can feed my kids the easy (and sometimes unhealthy stuff) without having to also indulge.
- Me time. Not everyone can get time away from their children. Whether it be childcare or comfortability – it just isn’t feasible for everyone to get done. That doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your me time. I will wake up before my kids to enjoy my coffee, sit down during nap time to enjoy the simple ability to sit down for more than 5 minutes, and shower after they go to bed so that I can shower without a toddler underneath me and between my legs trying to steal the hot water.
- Couple time. This is equally as important as me time. Your significant other is the person you vowed to spend forever with, don’t let forever be cut short because you were too tired or too busy to see each other. We implemented a no cellphone policy in our bedroom – once we’ve entered, cellphones are not to be used except in an emergency. This will cut back on mindless scrolling through Facebook while we ignore each other.
- Comparisons. I, like the rest of the world, look at other moms Instagram photos and think, “wow, her house is so clean, so well decorated, so white” etc. etc. etc. etc. The comparisons of my life versus theirs would eat me alive. I recently learned how easy it is to manipulate a camera to show only the beautiful, the clean, the shiny, the good. Now that I know this, I often wonder if there is a huge pile of laundry juuuuuust outside the frame of that beautifully staged master bedroom. If she’s a real human being, the answer is yes. I will remember this every. singe. time. I scroll through social media and begin to envy and compare. We all have messes outside of the frame we’re photographing. I will not forget that.
- Don’t neglect basic health care. I spent a lot of years avoiding the doctor and dentist, mostly due to the fact that I was in my twenties with no health insurance and an income that would not leave much after paying doctor and dentist bills. Now that I am (still in my twenties) but covered on the health insurance of my hard working husband (thank you hubs) I will not avoid the doctor. If something does not feel right, if there is an unexplained pain, if I am not okay – I will find out why instead of ignoring it. There is no good reason to avoid taking care of basic health care needs for myself or anyone in my family.
- Ask for help. I am the reigning queen of doing everything myself, getting mad when my husband doesn’t help, and then resenting him for it. I will learn to slow down and ASK him for help because chances are, he doesn’t even know what I need help with unless I tell him. I can’t expect him to just know that I really need that basket of laundry in the closet brought down to be washed right now.
- Give independence. My children are at an age when they want to make decisions and have opinions, it is my job to let help guide them in making the right choices in life. In this new year, as they reach two and three years old, I will give them choices in different things. Which shoes does my son want to wear, which snack would my daughter like to have as her fifth of the day before 10am, where should go read our nightly book tonight, etc. Little decisions like these will allow them to know I trust them to make choices and give them the independence they crave.
- Yell less. I am making this a resolution because I yell a lot. Most of the time it is because they are yelling and yelling louder is the only way to be heard. But I am the adult and I need to realize that this is not helping them or teaching them the right way to deal with frustration. Patience is the key to deal with a frustrated toddler and I will put a lot of work into mine.
- Find my place as an individual. I have spent three years as a mom of one and two years as a mom of two. Now that we have enrolled both of our kids into a preschool program, I have some free time. This caused me to look for ways to be ME even when I am not with my children. The holidays put a hold on this because we were quite busy with activities. In this new year, I will find what I like to do, how I like to spend my time, what I want out of my life outside of being a wife and mom.
As you can see, none of my resolutions are unattainable.
I am still probably going to fail at them at one point or another throughout the year and that is okay. We all slip up sometimes, but it is the fight to continue that shows the most courage.
Setting realistic goals that matter to you instead of the same resolutions that our society says you should have is important. Obtaining a gym membership is not on my list, so I am not going to pretend that it is to please anyone else. If that IS important to you, by all means, I support you 100%. Just don’t choose to stop drinking coffee + wine because you think others are judging you – if you quit, there will be other others that will also be judging you.
What were some of your goals + resolutions for 2018? How have you done so far? Let me hear!
