toxicity

In a world full of people that are entitled, do not take responsibility for their actions, and blame others for everything that happens to them.. you have to remember who you are.
I am a yes girl. I say yes to helping people when they ask. Whether I want to or not, I will consume my time and energy with whatever they are asking me to do because I fear that they will dislike me or push me away if I do not. I have helped those in need by way of giving them money, even when I didn’t really have it to spare, my pouring myself into a task that they weren’t able to complete, and by just being there when they said they needed it. It sounds like a great thing, being so helpful, but it is not. In the end, the majority of the people I have helped did not appreciate it. In fact they would go as far as to say that I hadn’t helped them at all, that they never needed my help, that I am absurd for even saying that they did.
Being a yes girl has become a thankless job.
The people that I have helped do not recognize the amount of myself I have poured into their requests, because they don’t realize that I am so overwhelmed with anxiety about it that I will not rest until I have finished. I will not sleep at night if it is not complete. Having an anxious mind with mild OCD causes me to obsess over things. Whether or not I have helped enough, were they happy with the result, if I disappointed them in some way, how could I have done it better, etc etc etc. The racing thoughts never end.
These toxic people have gone as far as to hurt me with their words, calling me names, blaming me for things that I did not do, using me as a punching bag in their world of problems. I have spent so much of my time mad at myself, believing their words, thinking I really am what they say that I am, taking responsibility for things I really didn’t do.. because the toxic people took over, they lead me to believe it all.
But not anymore. No longer will I believe the negative things people have to say. No longer will I say yes only to be disrespected later. No longer will I trust those that cannot be trusted.
To those of you that have toxic people in your life, let me be the first to tell you that it may seem scary to get rid of them, because it is, but in the end.. you will feel so free knowing that you are not letting them control you anymore. They will not make you feel bad. They will not make you feel unworthy. Let them go. Get rid of the toxic. Be free.
If I can, you can too.
xoxo K