One of the greatest difficulties in life is to love and be loved in return. I’m going to share four tips after four years of marriage. Whether you learn it the hard way, stumbled upon on it by accident, or had a very calculated plan for it – love is unpredictable.
In our case, it was stumbled upon by accident. My interim general manager at my two week old job became my husband. I didn’t start this job with the intention of finding a husband. I certainly didn’t meet him with the intention of marrying him. That is how crazy the world can be.
After a fast courtship and fast engagement, we were married on August 22nd, 2014. Four years ago today.
Lesson 1: Worry only about those in your marriage
We started to plan a big wedding only to realize that not everyone was as excited as we were. Which is fine. Not everyone is that overjoyed about large events. After a short time, we decided to cancel our plans and have a small ceremony. When I say small, I mean us and four family members at the courthouse. To me it was everything. I wore white, a dress that I picked out from White House Black Market and loved. I had my dream guy and the family that supported us most. At the end of the day, the only people that you need to worry about in your marriage is yourself and your spouse. Everyone else is noise.
Lesson 2: Celebrate your anniversary like it’s your wedding day
Every year since we got married we have taken the day to celebrate us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a couples trip to somewhere tropical, a fun filled trip to Las Vegas, or a massage + dinner at a local upscale hotel. We celebrate. Don’t forget to commemorate the occasion every year and remind each other that despite the chaos of life, it begins and ends without. We also have taken to the traditional gift list and buy a gift to go with the traditional gift suggestion for the year.
Lesson 3: Communicate like it is your job
This is something everyone will tell you, over and over, but it’s true. You are going to have a lot of hard times, things are going to be hard. Your spouse is not going to be able to read your mind. When you’re feeling sad, mad, hurt, resentful, depressed.. tell them. The best way to get passed all of these things in your relationship is to talk about them. If you need to help, ask. If you need to talk, talk. Communication will make or break your marriage.
Lesson 4: Put your marriage first
I know this is a controversial topic for a lot of people, kids vs. marriage first. I am in no way saying that your kids aren’t important or that their needs aren’t important. What I am saying is that your relationship is what got you to be married and to be parents. After your kids grow up and move away, it will be the one thing that remains. You don’t want to wake up 25 years later with an empty nest and an empty relationship because you didn’t put any effort in your marriage. You will find yourself laying next to someone you barely know. Your marriage came first and it will remain after your children leave if you put your all into it.
Marriage, like parenthood, is hard. It takes a lot of work. Sometimes you’re dealing with your spouse but sometimes it might be their family, your kids, money, a house. There is always new challenges to get through. You can let those things tear you apart or help you grow together. It’s your choice.
How long have you been married? What’s your greatest piece of advice?
